


Before It's Too Late

by yurishika



Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-15
Updated: 2014-04-15
Packaged: 2018-01-19 10:55:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,168
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1466878
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yurishika/pseuds/yurishika
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They say that blue roses symbolize hope in unattainable love. As Michael looks at Yuzuru, probably in one of the last times, that’s what he likes to believe, too.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Before It's Too Late

**Author's Note:**

  * A translation of [Bago Mahuli ang Lahat](https://archiveofourown.org/works/1455214) by [yurishika](https://archiveofourown.org/users/yurishika/pseuds/yurishika). 



> The Blue Roast is an annual tradition of a university in the Philippines, which serves as a send-off to the seniors before their graduation. The highlight of the party is the blue rose, which the seniors give to the people who have been special throughout their university life, be it a friend or a professor. The blue rose is usually given to someone who the person likes, or who has liked, at any point of their university life.

****

 

**2018**

It’s nighttime, and Michael feels drowsiness creeping up on him. He blames it on oversleeping, catching up on the lack of sleep for the whole year. And now that the semester is over, and now that four years of university is over, he’s making the most out of getting sleep, even if he’s sleeping in the morning and waking up in the afternoon.

The drowsiness came at such a bad time, though. Tonight’s the Blue Roast, the last college party he’ll ever attend. He can’t feel sleepy tonight, but there’s a yawn that’s coming out of his mouth right now ...

The yawn disappears when he feels someone tapping his back. When he looks over his shoulder, it’s Jinseo, and he instantly brightens up at the sight of his best friend. “Jinseo!” he greets, enveloping his friend in a hug.

“Hey, Michael, how are you?” Jinseo looks equally groggy, as if his sleeping patterns are screwed up as well.

“Living the bum life,” Michael replies with a chuckle. “Anyway, let’s go. The others are probably looking for us.”

“The others” meant their friends in the student exchange council, at least, the graduating ones. Zijun has already reserved a table for them, and upon arrival, they received hugs from everyone, along with stories, catching up on the weeks when they weren’t speaking to each other, each trying to cram the last few requirements before they’re officially cleared for graduation. And now that’s over with, this is probably the last of the few times they’ll see each other again before they graduate this Friday.

A lot has already happened. Jinseo had just been accepted to this publication after being recommended by his thesis-mate who interned there for the publication’s Friday magazine; he’s going to start working a week after graduation. Han Yan will be flying back to China, to his family. Nam is inviting everyone to fly out of the country and let their feet itch in new territory before they face the real world. Michael would have gone, but he knows his mother won’t let him; the expenses he’ll use for the trip abroad will all go to medical school next semester.

No one’s taking in the program onstage. They’re all talking, musing over not-so-long-agos, and “Remember freshmen orientation?”, and “Remember this professor and that professor?” It’s fun looking back, though it’s more bittersweet because it will take a long time before they’ll recall good times again, like this.

Soyoun is in the middle of imitating a drunk Han Yan in last week’s year-end bash when he feels someone tapping his shoulder. “Mind if we join you guys?”

Michael looks over his shoulder, and he doesn’t know whether the loud pounding is coming from the sound system or from his own heart. “Yu-Yuzuru!” he exclaims, as he moves forward to hug the newcomer, and the girl beside him. “Kanako! Long time no see, guys!”

“Long time no see!” Yuzuru says, taking a seat beside Michael, Kanako sitting beside Nam, once he has hugged and greeted everybody on the table. “So many job interviews, I barely had time to catch up with everyone.”

Michael feels Jinseo’s cautious gaze on him, a gaze he knows all too well. He pretends he doesn’t notice and focuses his gaze, instead, on Yuzuru, who smiles at him, sending him back to the past.

 

 

 

 

**2014**

Michael would never forget November 15, 2014. The weather’s starting to get chilly, the leaves of all the trees in the campus starting to fall down. Chris is already whistling Christmas tunes as he sets up the projector in the room where their club will be holding an event. Michael’s there too early for his liking. The program will start at 9:00, but he’s already been here since 7:30 because he’ll have a makeup class at nine, but he wants to sneak in the event for a bit.

“Just go skip class!” Misha tells him. Misha’s the “social butterfly” of their club, and Michael recalls the older one being their “tour guide” during freshman orientation.

Michael shakes his head. “I can’t skip class. I’m using all my cut allowances when I need it or when I get sick.”

“Michael’s right!” pipes in Maia, who had just finished hanging some decorations in the room. “Misha, don’t be such a bad influence on the freshmen!”

“Maia, please, you’re a freshman too,” Misha says with a roll of his eyes. “Anyway, Michael, this is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to get to know the people in this club! Especially the cute ones,” he adds with a wink.

“Misha, less flirting more working!” Mao calls from the other end of her room, working on something in her laptop. “Come here and help me with this presentation!”

Misha looks scared, even if Mao’s voice didn’t bear any hint of exasperation; no one can ever say no to Mao (even Professor Takahashi of the economics department, but that’s a different story altogether). “Yes, Ma’am,” he replies feebly before he heads over to her direction.

“Hey, Maia,” Michael calls to the other girl. “Do you guys need help with anything else?” He’s not part of the events department of the club, but since he was early, he helped the others in setting up.

Maia thinks for a minute before replying, “Actually, we’re good to go. The others are on your way, so just get your name tag from Chris and sit wherever.”

“Okay.”

Michael clips his name tag on his ID strap and takes a seat at the last row, so he can make an exit without disturbing the program. Soon, people start coming in, some from different department whose names are vaguely familiar to him. Misha instantly envelopes Denis and Alex in a hug or, as Misha calls it, a “human love sandwich”; Yuna and Patrick are holding hands when they came in; Kozuka and Machida are talking about strategies they’re going to use for their Warcraft game later; Kanako greets everyone who enters as if there’s no reason to feel down.

Someone else enters, someone who Michael remembers by face, but not by name. He knows he’s seen him in the club orientation, but he’s in a different department. He’s a management major, he thinks? Michael has also ran into him sometimes in the club room, and they’ve only exchanged ‘hi’s, and nothing else.

Strangely enough, this guy stops next to Michael and takes off one of the earphones. “Mind if I sit next to you?” he asks.

Michael blinks. He barely knows the guy, and now he’s asking if he can sit next to him? Then again, the point of the club is to bring people who share the same interests together, so he says, “Uh, no. Sure. Go ahead.”

“Thanks.” The other guy’s eyes disappear into crinkles, and Michael feels something funny in his chest, something he can’t put into words. The guy who’s now sitting next to him doesn’t notice it however as he moves a bit in his seat, their arms touching. “You’re here early,” he says after a few seconds of silence between them.

“Makeup class at nine,” Michael replies. “I’ll stay here for a bit, then leave.”

“Ah.” He nods. “Sucks to be you.”

Michael sighs. “Tell me about it.” He hears a faint yet familiar tune coming from the earphones of his seatmate, and he straightens up in his seat. “Is that ... ONE OK ROCK?”

His face instantly brightens up upon hearing the band’s name. “Yeah!” he says in such joy after finding out someone who listens to a band that not many in university is familiar with. “They’re my favorite band.”

“Mine too!” Michael can feel the beginnings of a grin, and he knows this is going to be a long conversation, at least until he needs to leave. He holds out his hand. “I’m Michael.”

His seatmate’s hand is soft in his, and there goes that feeling in his chest again. “I’m Yuzuru.”

 

 

 

 

**2018**

Michael almost jumps when he feels something in his ear. When he checks, it’s only an ear bud, and Yuzuru is grinning at him as he scrolls through his iPhone, settling on a song, whose guitar riffs are familiar to his ears. “ONE OK ROCK’s new album,” he explains, looking pleased with himself. “I just bought it off iTunes.”

“Ah, lucky you!” Michael presses the earbud closer so that he can hear the tune, feeling really excited to hear the music. “Isn’t this the soundtrack of—” he asks in the midst of the loud music coming from the stage.

“Guys,” Jinseo tells them, looking amused, “there’s actual music here.”

Yuzuru smirks at his direction. “Yeah, but they’re not ONE OK ROCK.”

“Whatever.”

Michael remembers it like this, on November 15, 2014. Yuzuru had plugged one of his ear buds in his ears, and they listened to _Wherever You Are_ as they waited for the program to start. It was weird back then, sharing earphones with an acquaintance, but Michael had realized that it was he and Yuzuru listening to a band they both like, and he didn’t mind it much.

“Yo!” They spot Maia, now part of the Blue Roast organizing committe, heading their way, a basket of blue roses on one arm. “Special delivery!” There’s a mix of hoots and groans as Maia hands a rose for each of them. “Don’t give them away just yet! We’ll all give them away at midnight!”

“Ah, the blue rose ...” Zijun sighs dreamily as she twirls her own rose. “Did you know that a blue rose means hope in unattainable love?”

“That’s why we give them away, right?” Nam adds thoughtfully. “The love is unattainable, but we give them, just in case. Or, at least, because there are things that needed to be said.”

“Hope in unattainable love, huh ...” As Michael looks at Yuzuru, probably in one of the last times, that’s what he likes to believe, too.

 

 

 

 

**2014**

Jinseo drags him to the organizing committee of the club Christmas party, on the pretense that it will give them higher chances of being part of the executive board for next school year. (“Didn’t you tell me you want to be an editor in the school publication?” Michael whispers to him over biology class. “It’s nice to have a backup plan,” Jinseo tells him flippantly before they got told off by their professor.) In truth, Jinseo wants to impress the club’s vice president, Yuna Kim; then again, which guy in campus doesn’t want to impress Yuna Kim?

By then, Michael knows a bit about Yuzuru Hanyu. (Lately he realized that Yuzuru Hanyu has always been the topic of conversation between Yulia and Anna, who sits behind him during English class.) Management major. Face of the Batch during the freshmen orientation party (Michael was too busy playing poker with his friends to notice). Best friends with Kanako Murakami since third grade. Roommates with pep squad vice captain Javier Fernandez. Marketing department in the student exchange council. ONE OK ROCK fan.

It turns out, Kanako has dragged Yuzuru to be part of the Christmas party organizing committee, too. They see each other every week, taking part in the planning of theme, programs, finding a venue that will allow them to bring in alcohol. He looks that he isn’t that much interested, switching in between taking part and listening to his playlist. Sometimes, if they sit beside each other, Yuzuru would share his earphones with Michael.

“Michael, right?” Yuzuru corners him around the third club meeting, which adjourned later than usual. “Where are you staying?”

Michael blinks; he and Yuzuru never talk to each other after meetings. “I live in a dorm. Off-campus.”

“Ah.” Yuzuru nods when Michael gives him the name of the building. “It’s near my place. Let’s walk home together.”

Michael feels his heartbeak quickening all of a sudden. “I’ll ask Jinseo first ...” He stops when he sees Jinseo rush outside, yelling “Yuna-noona!”, and he makes a sound that is a mix of a sigh of resignation and a laugh. “Well, there goes my roommate. Sure.”

There’s something about Yuzuru’s smile, his eyes disappearing into crinkles, that draws him in. “Let’s go? Or are you hungry?”

They end up staying in McDonald’s instead of going home, and Yuzuru downs his sundae despite the cold weather. Yuzuru asks him too many question, and Michael answers them and asks some questions in return.

“What’s your major?”

“Health Sciences.”

“Planning to become a doctor?”

“That’s the plan. You?”

“Management. I’ll be a CEO.” He raises an eyebrow when Michael chuckles. “What’s so funny about that?”

“Nothing.” Michael shakes his head. “I actually imagine it.”

“So why’d you join the student exchange council?” Yuzuru gets some of his fries, and Michael doesn’t complain about it.

He shrugs. “I can’t really remember,” he admits. “There are so many clubs during recruitment week, and I wanted to join everything, and the thought of being friends with people from different countries sounds so appealing. How about you? What’s your story?”

“Same as yours, actually. Well, Kanako dragged me, and well, I’m a typical freshman who goes to where his friends are.”

“So you and Kanako really are friends?” Michael regrets the words as soon as they leave his mouth. It’s too personal a question. He’s not like this, suddenly asking something too personal, so he didn’t really know why he asked this. (Okay, maybe he has a clue as to why, but ...) “Sorry ...” he mumbles, staring down at his Coke.

Fortunately, though, Yuzuru just chuckles. “Don’t worry about it,” he says. “A lot of people have asked us that question. I’m used to it.”

Even if Yuzuru said that, the blushing still hasn’t subsided. “So, are you guys really going out?”

“Nah. We’ve been best friends since third grace. It’s weird to go out with your best friend!” And his face crinkles, as if to emphasize his answer.

And it’s at that night that Michael understands what he feels. That maybe he likes Yuzuru Hanyu as more than a friend.

 

 

 

 

**2018**

“So, who will you guys be giving your blue rose to?” Nam asks them. It’s getting close to the end of the program, and almost everyone in the table has had one drink to many. Michael had stopped after one can and resorts to watching his drunker friends with much amusement.

He notices Yuzuru without a can of beer in hand. “No more drinking?” he asks.

Yuzuru shakes his head. “One can’s enough,” he replies. “After all my drunken antics for the past four years, I don’t think I want to get drunk.”

“So remember when Yuzuru got drunk in our freshman Christmas party and I got him to wear a skirt?” Kanako pipes up, smirking as if she’s about to commit a sinister crime.

“Kanako, shut up!” Yuzuru yells, face already the same color as a tomato.

“Hold on, I think the picture’s buried in my Facebook somewhere—”

“Kanako, stop what you’re doing right now!” Yuzuru looks like he’s about to jump on the other side of the table, if not for Michael pinning him down.

“I’m giving my blue rose to my thesis group mate,” Jinseo speaks up before Kanako dies in the hands of Yuzuru. His face turns redder than Yuzuru’s when Han Yan woots a “Seora 5ever!” and retorts, “Shut up, Yan! I know you’re giving your blue rose to that bro of yours!”

“Is he really your bro?” Nam teases, causing the others to make whistling noises.

“Fuck you, Nguyen!” Han Yan turns his back on all of them and fishes out his phone to text someone, and Michael assumes it’s his “bro.”

The rest of everyone’s answers have been a common agreement—if they don’t have anyone to give their blue rose to, then they’ll just give it to someone in the group. Kanako will be giving hers to Professor Oda, her favorite professor. Maia plans to give hers to that celebrity that became her classmate in research class. Gracie will be giving her’s to Max, Nam’s to Zijun. Soyoun lightheartedly proposes that she’ll be giving hers to Michael.

“How about you, Michael?” Kanako asks, looking expectant. “Who will you be giving your blue rose to?”

Michael hopes that no one sees him glancing at Yuzuru, who was laughing at something Nam said about one of the dancers onstage. “Uh ...” Aside from Jinseo, who used his ‘journalist’ skills to notice, no one in the club knows he likes Yuzuru, and he has no plans of revealing that when the person in question is around. “It’s a secret.”

“Hey, no fair!” Nam says with a pout. “We all told everyone who we’ll be giving ours to!”

“Then I guess it’s a surprise ...?”

Nam huffs, then turns to Yuzuru. “How about you, Yuzuru? Who will you be giving your blue rose to?”

“Hmm?” Yuzuru merely smiles mysteriously. “I’m keeping it a secret, too.”

“Whatever, guys! If I weren’t crazy, I bet you’ll be giving your blue roses to each other!”

Michael laughs nervously, though in his mind, that would make a good scenario. It’s not bad to hope, right?

Even if it’s impossible.

 

 

 

 

**2015**

Somehow the two of them have a developed a routine of walking home together, especially since the meetings always end late during the weeks nearing the Christmas party. Jinseo has already noticed his crush on Yuzuru and sometimes lets Michael walk home with Yuzuru in favor of walking home with Han Yan and Zijun.

The Christmas party was a success, and although they’ve worked hard in all the programs, the highlight was still a drunken Patrick reciting a litany confessing his love for Yuna. Michael gave away keychains he impulsively bought in a thrift shop near the dorm, and fortunately, everyone liked his impromptu gift. He clearly remembers Yuzuru’s pleasantly surprised face when he looks at his Winnie the Pooh keychain, and he remembers most of all the light feeling in his chest, like butterflies have been flying in it all over.

In an odd twist of fate, both he and Yuzuru were named deputy officers in the club for the next school year, Michael under Chris and Yuzuru under Mao. It turns out that their departments will be working a lot together, and thus, Michael finds himself working a lot with Yuzuru on club events. And every time after a club thing, they’d walk home together, maybe grab a burger at McDonald’s and talk about random stuff.

By then, they already know a lot about each other, and Michael things they’re closer than ever. On their free schedules they’ll grab something to eat in the cafeteria, and sometimes they’d catch a movie or watch a concert. Sometimes they’d be classmates, other times they’ll share a table in the study hall. But what Michael likes best is the fact that they can confide in each other, whether it be a laugh about Professor Oda’s antics, or about this group mate who’s not doing his share of the work, or about insufferable parents.

And every day, Michael thinks his feelings for Yuzuru are going. But he keeps his mouth shut, finds himself being more careful around his friend. He’s not the best at expressing his feelings, and besides, he likes his friendship with Yuzuru as it is. What if he ruined it all by confessing?

It’s better to not say anything at all.

 

 

 

 

Michael jumps when a book suddenly slams on his side of the table in the club room. When he looks up, his heartbeat quickens at the sight of Yuzuru grinning at him. “That’s my statistics book under Professor Plushenko,” Yuzuru explains before sliding next to Michael. “All yours. I don’t want to see that book anymore.”

A frown crosses his face. “Is Professor Plushenko a terror?” he asks.

“Not really. Professor Plushenko is a great professor. Statistics is just really tricky.”

He ends up scratching the back of his head. “I’m not even good at statistics ... or math, in general.”

“Let me teach you, then!”

Michael can feel the beginnings of a blush, and he looks down so that Yuzuru won’t notice. “Don’t you have accounting class this sem? Accounting’s, like, one of the hardest subjects of management majors. I’d be a bother to your studies.”

“Don’t be like that! I’m doing this because I want to. What are friends for?” Yuzuru replies, arm around his shoulder. “Besides, you helped me go through my biology class last semester, and this is the least I could do.”

Yuzuru is giving him that earnest look, and how can he say no to that?

He can never say no to Yuzuru.

 

 

 

 

**2018**

They ran out of beer, and after a long game of rock-paper-scissors, Michael and Jinseo end up being the ones to refill the supply. As soon as they’re far from the table, Jinseo wraps his arm around Yuzuru’s shoulders, a sign that he has to ask something private. “So,” he starts, “are you ready?”

“Ready for what?” he asks.

“You know what I’m talking about!” Yuzuru looks over his shoulder, just to make sure no one is eavesdropping. “Are you ready to give your blue rose to Yuzuru?” he asks, in a softer voice.

“I don’t know, Jinseo ...” Michael admits. “Part of me is getting cold feet.”

And true to his expectations, Jinseo shrugs off his arm and raises both his hands as if he wants to surrender everything to the heavens, as Chris would put it. “That’s what you told me at freshman year,” he says. “Then sophomore and junior year. We’re graduating, and now you want to back out again?”

“Jinseo, this is never easy,” Michael says weakly. “I’ve been friends with Yuzuru for a long time. What if our friendship gets affected because of this?”

“You’ll never know until you try,” Jinseo tells him with a frown, hands on hips. “And I know Yuzuru. He’s a really nice guy. Even if he doesn’t like you that way, I don’t think he’ll let a love confession get in the way of your friendship.”

Michael bites his bottom lip. “But ...”

“No excuses! This is your last chance! If you miss this, you’ll regret this for the rest of your life!”

Michael knows that all too well. Jinseo has given him this speech one too many times, but he’s not going to deny that he’s scared of what’s about to happen.

 

 

 

 

**2015**

He doesn’t know what has gotten over him, but he thinks that maybe he can tell Yuzuru what he feels right now. October 23, 2015. They’re on their term break, and per Office of Student Activities regulation, an official university club is required to hold a seminar to evaluate the past semester and plan for the next. And thus, the three-day trip to Patrick’s family resthouse in the countryside. And since they’re both deputy officers in the club, they were required to join.

“Are you really sure you want to do this?” Jinseo texts him. Michael wishes his best friend was here, but Jinseo had responsibilities in the student publication.

“If I don’t do this now, I might not be able to do it at all,” he replies.

“... Good luck.”

The seminar as been productive so far, with Yuna insisting that they finish all the evaluation and planning so that they have lots of time for rest and relaxation. Because of that, Michael pushes his plan of confessing at the back of his mind, at least for now, to focus on the reports that Chris is asking him. Yuzuru is equally busy, Mao especially grooming him to be her replacement for next school year.

The thought is back when the meeting was finished, and they have a day and a half to relax. They all cool themselves off in the rest house, Yuna and Mao sunbathing while Alex and Maia continuously beat Denis and Misha in god-knows how many rounds of chicken fight. Michael, meanwhile, is content to sit on the edge of the pool to watch his club mates’ antics.

“Not gonna swim?”

Michael almost falls off the pool when he hears someone from behind him. When he turns around, it’s Yuzuru, holding a glass of iced tea towards him. “Thanks,” he says, smiling as he takes the juice, and Yuzuru sits beside him, feet making soft waves on the pool. “I’m done swimming. Besides, hard to swim when those guys are going wild.” He points to Misha falling off Denis’ shoulders after being beaten by the Shibutani siblings yet again.

“Yeah, you got a point there.” Yuzuru laughs as they watch Misha try to tackle Alex in the waters. “By the way, Yuna’s asking me to buy some groceries for our dinner later. Wanna come with?”

This is it. This is his chance. “Sure.”

It’s only just the two of them, and Yuna had asked to buy a lot of things for their barbeque dinner. Their hands are full as they leave the grocery store, and by that time, the sun is already starting to set. They walk side-by-side, and in silence, though Michael’s mind is running, preparing himself for what he’s about to say.

A deep breath. Another. And another. He’s ready. “Yuzuru ...”

“Have you ever liked someone who won’t ever like you back?”

Michael stops in his tracks, the script in his head all forgotten. “H-Huh?”

Yuzuru gives him an apologetic look. “Sorry,” he says. “That was a rhetorical question.”

“I don’t think that’s rhetorical,” Michael points out with a shake of his head. “You’re having problems in the matters of the heart. What’s up?”

Yuzuru looks at anywhere but him. “Are you really sure you wanna know?” he asks, scratching his chin.

“Why not? What are friends for?”

The next thing Michael knows is that Yuzuru is pouring his heart out about Javier, his roommate, his next closest friend to Kanako, and the guy he had liked since freshman year. Yuzuru tells him about how he lived Javier, how he confessed last week, and eventually got rejected. In his mind, Michael regrets asking, regrets being such a good friend; it wouldn’t hurt this much if he wasn’t such a good friend and let Yuzuru let out his woes.

“So how are you?” Michael asks once Yuzuru has finished.

“I’m okay ... sort of,” Yuzuru replies, shifting one plastic bag from his one hand to the next. “I just ... I just found out Javier got a girlfriend, hence the feelings. I know I should be over, but ... sometimes I wonder what does she have that I don’t ...”

“Yuzuru,” Michael blurts out, and he thinks his brain-to-mouth isn’t working anymore. “I’ve known you for a long time, and we’ve been good friends, so hear me out. Javier doesn’t know what he’s missing. You’re an amazing person—you’re kind, I can always turn to you when I’m in a bind—” He pauses when he notices Yuzuru gazing at him, and his face turns red, and he immediately directs his gaze on the pavement. “I mean ... there are other people out there who will love you for that.” _Like me._ “So don’t be sad, okay?”

He doesn’t know how long his gaze has been on the ground, so when he looks up, Yuzuru smiles at him a smile that makes his chest feel light. “Thank you,” he whispers, softly. “I feel a bit better.”

He can’t control the grin that splits to his face. “Good,” he says, lightly punching his friend on the arm. “Don’t be so sad, it lowers morale.”

“Okay, fine, I won’t be sad, I promise!” Yuzuru wraps a free arm around his shoulder, and Michael feels the butterflies in his stomach. “So ... you were about to say something? I think I interrupted you.”

“Hmm?” Michael shakes his head, giving up. “No, nothing ...”

 

 

 

 

**2018**

By the time he and Jinseo return, it’s almost midnight, almost time for everyone to give their blue roses. Jason, the host, is speaking on stage, and behind him, a band is setting up, a band that is known for singing about taking chances, appropriately enough. Thank god he and Jinseo bought many cans, because he thinks they might need it. 

“It’s almost midnight!” Jason screams, jumping around the stage. “Who’s ready to give their blue rose?” 

There were screams of “Yeah!”, and from their side, Han Yan screams “No!” just to be different. 

“Are you ready?” Jinseo asks him, hand on his shoulder. 

Michael takes a deep breath, his grip on his blue rose tightening. “It’s now or never,” he replies. 

“All right! On the count of three, let’s all stand up and give that blue rose to your special someone! Don’t be afraid! This is your last chance!” The band starts playing. “On the count of three! One! Two! Three!” 

Another deep breath. This is it. This is really it. If he doesn’t do this now, he’ll regret this for the rest of his life. 

_Game._

“Michael!” Before he can stand up, Soyoung is already approaching him, looking hesitant before giving her blue rose. “For our ever-reliable department manager.” 

“Soyoun, thank you!” Michael can’t help but smile and embracing his club mate. Even if they both don’t have any special feelings for each other, it’s still nice to feel that they’ve shared a special bond throughout university. 

“Now, go,” Soyoun tells him as she pulls away, winking. “Go give your blue rose to that special someone of yours.” 

Michael nods, but when he stands up and looks around, he can’t see Yuzuru anywhere. There’s Jinseo, being hugged by his thesis-mate and looking like he had just died and gone to heaven. Nam almost bolts away after handing his to Zijun. Han Yan had excused himself to go to the bathroom and asked his “bro” to hold his rose for him, though Michael can tell that Han Yan has no plans of going back. 

“Yuzuru!” 

That’s Yulia’s voice, and Michael looks for the source of that voice. Eventually, he finds Yuzuru, already holding two roses, being approached by Yulia. Yulia’s close to tears as she says something to Yuzuru, before holding out her rose. Yuzuru looks surprised, says something that Michael is sure is on the lines of rejection, because of Yulia’s dejected face, but he takes the rose and gives Yulia a hug before heading to their table. 

“Looks like you got a haul,” Michael says as casually as possible, his palms beginning to feel sweaty, and his heart beginning to beat quicker than it should be. 

“Yeah.” He finds Yuzuru’s gaze on the roses he’s holding. “Looks like you got a haul, too.” 

“Not really.” He’s having a hard time breathing. He really needs to do this now. “I only got Soyoun. The other’s mine, and I still haven’t given it yet.” 

“Oh, really?” Yuzuru looks around, looking eager. “So who’s the lucky person who will receive your blue rose?” 

“Actually ...” He gulps. Here goes. “I’m talking to him right now.” 

Yuzuru blinks, his eyes widening, as if he didn’t believe what he had just heard. “What ...?” 

“Yuzuru Hanyu,” he starts, his voice and his hand shaking as he hands his blue rose, “I’m giving my blue rose to you. I’ve liked you for a long time, ever since you sat beside me in that club event in November of our freshman year, and we listened to ONE OK ROCK songs in your iPhone. I thought this was just a passing thing, but the more we became close, the deeper I fell for you. And because of this, I just want to say, before we graduate, that I love you. And I’m not expecting you to return my feelings, but ... yeah.” 

“Michael ...” Yuzuru takes the rose, still in shock. It’s embarrassing. Michael wishes the ground would open up and swallow him whole. 

“That’sallIneedtogobye!” And before he can process what he had just said, Michael finds his feet carrying him away, ignoring Yuzuru calling his name.

 

 

 

 

**2017**

One more year. One more year before his four years in university are over. One more year before they head out to “the real world.” In Michael’s case, one more year to study and get accepted to the medical school he had always wanted to go to. 

But right now, he doesn’t think of that because tonight’s the year-end party of their club, their goodbye to Denis, Misha, Ashley, and Alex, the leaders of their family in the student exchange council for the school year. Tonight, he, as well, as Yuzuru, Han Yan, Maia, and Nam, accept the responsibility of being the new leaders. It’s a scary thought, especially since it bears more responsibility, but he knows he’s not alone in this. 

Tonight is a typical college party in Alex and Maia’s apartment, full of games but more of drinks. Misha is their resident bartender, and so far his concoctions have caused two victims to be out in the middle of the night. Denis is already lying down the couch, being grilled by Anna, Yulia, and Adelina as if they’re trying to unearth some major secret. On the other side of the room, Yuzuru’s leaning on his seat, already close to sprawling on the couch, Kanako taking pictures that can be used for future blackmail. 

Michael’s already used to seeing Yuzuru drunk. This is not the first time. The first time he’s seen him was during the Christmas party of their freshman year, when Kanako had convinced a drunk Yuzuru to wear a skirt, which is still a source of laughs among their group. And every time Yuzuru gets so wasted, it’s Michael who makes sure that he gets home safely. 

“And we’re back to the baby-sitting business!” Alex says as cheerfully as possible as he carries a drunken Denis on his back, when the party’s over, and everyone has left. 

“As long as I’m not cleaning after that mess,” Michael says as he points to the couch. 

Alex groans. “That’s my mom’s favorite couch,” he says. “I better clean that up or else I’m dead.” He sighs. “Anyway, Yuzuru’s designated chaperone?” 

“Always.” 

“Good luck!” 

“Yuzu~” Michael says as he nears his friend who’s already sprawled on the ground. Fortunately, he doesn’t show any signs of throwing up. “Come on, let’s go home.” 

“Don’t wannaaaaa,” his friend whines, trying to stand up but failing. “I’m gonna sleep here~” 

“No, you can’t. Denis has already occupied the guest room. You need to go home, come on!” Michael can’t resist laughing as he helps Yuzuru up, arm around his shoulders, slightly wobbling as they leave the apartment. 

Michael thanks his lucky stars that the party is in Alex and Maia’s apartment because that means Yuzuru’s dorm is just a couple of minutes away. Especially since Yuzuru seems like he has drunken more than usual, and a drunk Yuzuru usually means a clingy one. In this case, Michael’s the only person he can cling to, and Michael has to remind himself that Yuzuru’s not his normal self just to control his feelings. 

Finally, after what feels like hours, they’ve reached Yuzuru’s dorm just before curfew ends. Michael rings the doorbell, and as they wait for Shoma to open the door, Yuzuru suddenly wraps his arms around his neck. “Michaeeeelll~” he singsongs. “I have something to tell you~” 

“What is it this time?” Michael laughs, to hide his nervousness. Yuzuru’s face is too close, and Michael can feel the alcohol in his breath, and those two things are bad signs that can lead to something that Michael knows he wants, but not at this state. 

Yuzuru comes closer until his mouth is on Yuzuru’s ear. “I—” 

Michael has forgotten how to breathe, that he’s sure of. Thank god the door suddenly opened and Shoma had stepped out, thanking him for bringing his dorm mate back in one beach before dragging Yuzuru in. But as soon as the door closes, Michael stood there, frozen in place, repeating the words Yuzuru had whispered to him like a broken record. Three words that he had only imagined Yuzuru telling him in his wildest dreams. 

But Yuzuru’s drunk. Yuzuru wasn’t thinking. Whatever he told Michael wasn’t true. 

... Right?

 

 

 

 

**2018**

Michael has rarely cried, but tonight, he makes an exception. He lets his tears fall as he sits, arms around knees on the benches on one of the buildings far away from the field where the Blue Roast is still ongoing. He needs to be away, somewhere where no one can see him cry and wallow in self-pity. 

He did it. Finally, he’s done, after years of running away from saying what should have been said. Maybe he should have waited for Yuzuru’s reply, but now, he feels like a huge weight from his chest has been lifted. 

Suddenly, he feels a tap on his back, and Michael actually yelps in surprise. He stands up, and— _oh my god_ —he’s standing in front of ... “Yu-Yuzuru ...” he says, his voice going softer, his face flushing in embarrassment of what he had done a while ago. 

“Hi,” Yuzuru greets, rather awkwardly as well. “Uh ...” He scratches the back of his head. “So ...” 

“I’m sorry I ran away,” Michael says, his gaze on the dark ground. “Uh, I’m not really good at this ...” 

“It’s okay.” A long stretch of silence. “Do you wanna walk for a bit? Walk down memory lane?” 

Michael looks up at that. “What? At midnight?” 

Yuzuru shrugs. “Why not? We won’t be able to do this after graduation.” 

Michael doesn’t really know what to feel. He had just finished baring his feelings to the guy he has liked for four years, and he didn’t get a reply, but an invitation to take a walk on a dark campus. But he nods. “Sure.” 

They’re quiet, walking side by side on the red brick road. The lights are dim, and no other person is in sight. Michael forgets about the confession, just a bit, as he looks around him, probably for the last time in a long while. It will probably take years before he returns here, his medical school schedule not allowing him to revisit his home of four years. 

“I’ll miss all of these.” Yuzuru breaks the silence, as they stop at the building where their club room is. 

“Me, too,” he admits. “Time flies so fast, doesn’t it?” 

“So fast, sometimes, I want to turn back time just so I can do all the good things all over again.” 

“The good things like ...?” 

“Learning from the best professors. Being in the best club. Hanging out with the best group of friends.” Yuzuru’s smile shifts to something along mysterious. “Being with friends more special than others.” 

He feels his heartbeart going erratic again. “What do you mean?” he asks, voice shaking. 

They stop at the administration building, just across the field where Blue Roast is being held. Michael’s gaze turns to his watch—the fireworks are probably going to start anytime now. Jinseo is probably looking for him, and everyone must have calmed down by now ... 

Yuzuru seems to be amused at him. “You didn’t wait for my answer after you gave me your blue rose.” 

He can feel the red creeping to his cheeks for the one of the many times this night. “I told you, it’s embarrassing. This is the first time I’ve confessed ...” 

“Got scared?” 

“This is much scarier than Professor Kudriavstev’s final exams, okay? What are you trying to prove, Yuzuru?” He thinks he sounds irritated, but if Yuzuru’s going to tease him about the confession, then he doesn’t want to hear it now. Maybe next week, or next one. But not tonight. 

“Sorry, sorry,” Yuzuru says quickly, hands up. 

“So what? Are you going to answer my confession?” 

Yuzuru doesn’t answer right away, instead opening his bag and looking for something in it. It doesn’t take long before he fishes out a blue rose. 

Michael thinks he has forgotten how to breathe. Could it be ...? 

“I’ll try to match your long confession right now.” Yuzuru sets down his bag and hands his rose to him. “Michael Martinez, I know our friendship isn’t as long as Kanako’s, or even Javier’s, but you are one of my most precious friends. You like ONE OK ROCK, so that’s definitely plus points.” 

Michael can’t resist laughing at that. 

“But aside from that, I think I’ve known you my whole life. I can tell you everything without being judged, and even if you don’t have anything to say, you’re always there for me. In last year’s year-end bash, when you helped my drunken self go home, I’ve come to realize some things, and this is my conclusion.” 

His heartbeat is on overdrive, his gaze on the rose that is being given to him. But before he can take it, Yuzuru takes his hand and places the rose there. 

“Michael Martinez, I’m giving you my blue rose, because I love you, too.” 

Before he can answer to that, Yuzuru pulls him into his arms, and Michael wants to pinch himself because this scenario has been only in his dreams, and it’s hard to believe that it’s happening in real life. But Yuzuru strokes his hair, and he’s back to reality and to the realization that they share feelings for each other. 

Their lips meet at the same time the fireworks burst out of the sky. Michael smiles into the kiss, and he pulls Yuzuru close, relishing the moment, one of the moments he’ll add to his list of moments he’ll never forget.

 

 

 

 

**Epilogue**

The graduation ceremony goes by in a blur. There were so many speeches, from the university president, to the deans, to Maia, the class valedictorian. Their diplomas were given, they sang their school hymn, and then it’s all over. 

There had been hugs and tears afterwards. Michael has been dragged to one photo op to another until he runs into Yuzuru. When they meet, Michael practically runs into his arms, and their embrace lingers longer than their embrace in the send-off party. 

“Wanna take a walk?” Yuzuru asks when they pull away. 

Michael looks at his parents, who nod their assent. “Sure.” 

Hand in hand, they walk outside the auditorium and into the field. From their side, they can see the entire campus, their home of four years, a home that they will now be leaving. “Is it scary?” Yuzuru asks him. 

“To leave? Yeah,” Michael admits. “But I’ll be okay.” 

“Me too.” Yuzuru nods. “And besides, it’s not like we’re not separating right away.” 

“Yeah. And you still owe me an official date.” Michael grins mischievously. “Which is ... when ...?” 

“Next, next week?” Yuzuru looks apologetic. “Job interviews are taking over my week.” 

Michael sighs, and pretends he’s moping. “Okay, fine. I guess you need the job to pay for a date.” 

“Only for you,” Yuzuru says, winking. 

And Michael can’t help but laugh at that; this can take some getting used to, but it’s a road he’s willing to take. “You’re so sweet. Better kiss my now, my parents are waiting for me already.” 

And Yuzuru does just that.

**Author's Note:**

> \- cross-posted to [taisetsukotoba](http://taisetsukotoba.livejournal.com/2025.html) @ LJ and [mizurumonday](http://mizurumonday.tumblr.com/post/82695684920/before-its-too-late) @ Tumblr  
> \- this fic is related to clemencio's ["things i'll never say."](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1462654)  
> \- i changed some things from the original filipino version for clearer context.  
> \- the title of the fic is taken from never the strangers’ ["bago mahuli ang lahat."](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ncVIXs8q_Zc) (or ‘before it’s too late)  
> \- michael’s flashbacks in this fic are based on real-life experiences. the happy ending is purely my imagination because i never got to give my blue rose to the guy i like.  
> \- dedicated to #teamyelobear, as usual. i love you girls. <3  
> \- tropical frost has an upcoming support project for michael. check twitter.com/TropicalFrost for updates!


End file.
